Aincrad: A Coming of Age Story
by A New Username
Summary: Aincrad was created to save the innocent from a war waged by people with dark hearts. But because they were saved, many who escaped the war suffered from the absence of those who weren't saved with them. And through that intense pain, power was born. This is the story of the young heirs and heiresses to the strongest bloodlines as they attempt to clear Aincrad. FemKirito/multi yuri
1. I: Saved by the Unsavory

**Author's Note**

 **Surprise! Bet you thought you wouldn't see this from me. Yeah, I'm actually writing a story where Aincrad exists in reality. Now before you go off ranting about how the idea is unoriginal by this point, let me explain some things that set this work apart from the others that have done it before.**

 **First and foremost, Kirito is female and all pairings are yuri. Additionally, the female Kirito is at the center of a yuri harem that I'll be attempting to execute as believably as possible while still giving every girl a chance to shine. For a detailed list of the pairings involved, please refer to the bottom author's note – I don't want this one to get super long.**

 **Second, this does not take place in the Sword Art Online universe. It takes place in an AU where magical items – that is, items that are able to warp reality without consuming energy as long as they have the capacity to make the change – have existed since the dawn of mankind.**

 **Third, Aincrad is not the only setting that exists in this story, nor were the people in it trapped their against their will. There's an entire world outside of it that you'll learn more about as the story goes on. But the story itself is predominantly about Aincrad and the people inside it, whose ancestors are from the ground.**

 **There're tons of other differences that I could go on and on about, but any more than this would be giving you too many spoilers. If you're interested, just read it! Couldn't hurt.**

* * *

Aincrad: A Coming of Age Story

Chapter One: Saved by the Unsavory

A crude, gray battle axe came crashing down at my neck from above. I swiftly jumped backwards and evaded the incoming blow, nothing but a hair's width and pure instinct keeping it from connecting. As the gigantic weapon lodged itself firmly into the ground, I leapt back into the frontlines of combat and launched a volley of thrusts from my rapier.

One after another, my strikes pierced through the dark brown furry skin of the humanoid monster's bulging, muscular right arm, which desperately tried to pull its weapon out of the ground. Each individual hit I landed made my blade glow a vibrant green, its light shining brilliantly in the moonlight as it tore through the air faster than I could follow. Its pale streak fading only after the counterattack as the weapon sprang back to my side, keeping its momentum from its exit of the monster's body and leaving a red spray of blood in its wake.

And every time, I made a minute adjustment to my stance, and the blade once again began to shimmer with green light as it repeated the process all over again. For anyone else, using so many combination attacks in rapid succession would be impossible. Combos typically had charging periods before they activated, post-motion delays after their attack phase ended, and cooldowns that prevented them from being used over and over again.

But none of those restrictions applied to the combos I had been taught by my family from the time I could hold a kitchen knife. I could just keep using them over and over again as long as my body and mind held up.

Finally, after twenty something consecutive stabs that all took place in the span of a few seconds, my giant opponent with the head of a bull managed to pull its axe out of the ground and tried to use the blunt side to knock me back at the same time. I sidestepped with a pivot of my feet that caused a full body twirl—

Only to immediately be forced to block a heavy overhead attack with my thin, light rapier the moment my rotation completed. It creaked and bent from the impact as I desperately put my other hand behind its flat and began to push back with all my might.

But our strengths were too different. It continued to push from above until my knees nearly gave way and I found myself forced into a kneel in order to keep myself from getting hacked down into total submission on the very first day of my coming of age Aincrad trial. But even as my left knee dug through the mossy forest floor and into the dark brown, moist soil and the top of my white socks got stained with mud, even as I put everything I had into resisting…

My arms were beginning to run out of stamina. All those combos in rapid succession had really worn my right arm out, and my left, which I'd never trained to even handle the weight of my own blades for extended periods, wasn't faring much better. To add insult to injury, my rapier's thin frame seemed to be bending far beyond what it would be able to bounce back from – even if I were to escape this situation unharmed, chances were I would need to replace the sword given to me by my own parents to commemorate the start of my trial.

 _This is bad… any more strain and I might both lose my rapier and fail my trial before even getting past the first floor…_

Things didn't look good. Even though I knew the monster couldn't really kill me, to have been taken down by one so early on, even if it was a dungeon guardian… if I let this happen, I'd fail my family bloodline. If I couldn't even get past floor one before my coming of age trial ended, how could I call myself a real Comet Blade user?

At this rate, I'd become nothing more than a genetic reject in my own clan. They could never tolerate a failure like this! I'd be thrown out of my own home before I even got a second try! I'd lose everything I valued all at once—

Two golden streaks of nearly blinding light flashed before my eyes at a speed that rivaled my own fastest combos, and suddenly, all of the weight and power I'd been fighting against with all my strength vanished all at once. My bent rapier sprung skyward as far as my arm would take it as I rapidly blinked my eyes to try to get my vision back to normal. By the time my sight returned to me, the entire dynamic of the battle had changed.

The Minotaur I'd been fighting had been knocked back a considerable distance and into a large oak tree, and seemed to be immobile as it leaned against it inelegantly, as if it had been stunned. And instead of the beaten beast, standing in front of me was a girl that looked to be about my age, if not a little older judging by her stature and physique.

Even though she was somewhat off to my right side, because she was facing the enemy she'd blown away with sheer force, her back faced me. Because of this, I couldn't discern a whole lot of what she looked like beyond her choice in apparel – namely, a long, black trench coat that went down to her knees, matching colored combat boots, and a deep, dark gray pair of denim pants. Her lustrous black hair appeared to be long, but because she hadn't even bothered folding the collar of her coat or pushing her locks over it, I couldn't tell exactly how far down it would reach.

But more significant than any of those minor details were the two major ones she held in her hands. Details that, when combined with the double light show I'd just been given by her combo, brought to mind the story my parents told me when I was little about the man our clan's leader fell in love with, but failed to win the heart of in turn. This girl… she…

 _She can use combos with two swords! Just like the story said! Is she really from_ his _bloodline…?_

Considering all the stories I'd heard about that man's gallantry and kindness, I half expected this girl to look back at me and gently ask if I was unharmed. Maybe even for her to sheathe one of her swords in one of the scabbards at her waist so she could help me to my feet. Those expectations, more than anything else, became the key reason why, when she peered at me from over her shoulder with her gray eyes reminiscent of the steely color of her two matching swords, the first thing she said to me came as such a shock.

"If you have time to sit there gawking at me, you have time to get out of my way!" she growled in a low, unnaturally sharp voice that instilled in me a deep fear of her. "You tried and failed. Now it's my turn to show you how to actually fight properly!"

With those incisive remarks, she turned back to the Minotaur just as it began to get back up. Before it had even entered a battle stance, she launched herself at it with a speed that I never expected to see on zone one, her twin swords trailing rigidly behind her thin frame while pointed at the enemy. They both began to glow with a bright blue light that resembled the afternoon sky, and after dashing the remaining distance, her shining blades were tearing right into _my_ target's chest so quickly that I could barely even follow the motions.

First a diagonal slash from her right sword, then one from her left. Once both her arms were crossed, they horizontally swung outwards at once, cutting clean through the Minotaur's six pack abs like a heated knife through butter. Finally, they came back together for a double stab right into its chest, with one of them hitting the heart, a critical weak spot of all mammal type monsters.

Every strike had so much raw power that the trails of blue light they left in the air stayed there for far longer than the actual blade did, fading in what seemed like slow motion compared to the attacks that created them.

Then, the very moment she made the final twin stab, the forest guardian stopped moving altogether, as if something had frozen it. I recognized the phenomena right away from all the times I'd seen it since my trial began this morning – her attacks had managed to kill it. The corpse began to glow with a rainbow of whitish colors for a few moments before dispersing into particles of light that were all gatherings of specific patches of color from the glowing effect.

Then, before they could begin to fade, the tiny orbs of light began to gather in the air in the same spot they dispersed from, taking the shape of a large, pure white sphere that exuded a rainbow-colored aura. It was much, much larger than the ones I'd triggered by fighting normal enemies… which made sense, considering this guardian was supposed to be on a different level from the rest of its kin in the forest.

Swiftly sheathing both of her once again steely-colored blades with a harsh clanging noise, the girl touched the sphere, and it disappeared in an instant. Whatever items it had contained, they were hers now – this was her right as the one to land the killing blow. Even if I did most of the work, and she really only did the final few blows…

Having finished the fight in only a few seconds despite her guardian enemy clearly _not_ being on its last legs yet, the girl turned to me with a sheepish, apologetic expression. It felt completely different from the icy, unforgiving stare she'd sent back my way from behind her collar right after saving me. This one had the opposite effect of putting me at ease – though whether due to it being truly disarming or due to the contradiction telling me she wasn't all harsh, I couldn't tell.

"Sorry about stealing your kill and all. I was trying to show you how to fight at high efficiency, but it died before you learned a thing," she told me, awkwardly rubbing the back of her neck with her left hand. "But either way, you sure as hell weren't going to finish it with that bent up rapier."

Hearing her bring up my weapon brought my attention back to the state of the last gift I'd been given by my family. They'd told me that they expected me to use it to start down the path to supporting myself or contributing to the main house, so they wouldn't be giving me anything else after this. And yet, on day one, I'd managed to bend it up so far that it would take a professional blacksmith to bend it back into place.

 _I can't even move forward without a weapon…_

My emotions as I brought the blade down to eye level to get a closer look must have been showing on my face, because the girl resumed talking a few seconds later, her tone and facial expression somewhat resembling my original expectations of her demeanor.

"Hey, don't worry about your weapon. Since it didn't shatter, you can melt down the metal and use it to forge a new one. With the materials you can add in, you'll end up with something even better than what you had before."

I shook my head, a bitter smile on my face. "I appreciate the sentiment, but… I don't even know any smiths… because of my lineage, I've lived most of my childhood without a much contact with the public."

For a moment, even with only the moonlight to go on, I saw a very clear change in the girl's eyes. They lit up, as if the fact that I came from a privileged family meant something to her. But then, just as quickly as it appeared, it vanished, and she gave me a crooked half smile.

"A rich girl, huh? No wonder you couldn't fight," she commented, shrugging her shoulders. "I happen to know a pretty talented smith who does work here on the lower floors. I can call her down tomorrow morning if you want, and I'll even foot whatever parts of the bill you can't cover yourself. Her rates can be a bit expensive for beginners on their trials."

My father had told me to be wary of people who gave especially generous offers like this. He'd said that they were only being so kind because they expected something in return, and if they didn't think they were going to get it, they'd leave without ever looking back.

 _But to see it in action is… irritating._

"How nice of you…" I trailed off, sharpening my tone before resuming as I got to my feet. "You swoop in, save the day, and even offer to help me with resolving my problems. What's the catch? What do you want from me in return?"

Her half smile widened into a full-face grin. "Perceptive. I like you already, miss rich girl. I do want something out of you… but right now, are you really in the position to refuse me based on that?"

 _She's right, but… should I even let her know that I don't have any other options?_

"You clearly have an emotional attachment to that rapier… and the only way to salvage it is through reforging it," she kept going without waiting for my reply, and with every new word I felt like she was nailing me into a coffin of my own design. "You could spend days looking for a mediocre smith on this area of the floor… or you can just let me call up the one that I know who works on higher floors and get a result that will last you much longer."

Her last words before she turned as if to walk away played a starring role in my decision. "I'll still do it and even pay for what you can't, whether I want something in return or not. Just follow me tonight to show me you're interested and you'll have a shiny new rapier by tomorrow afternoon. But it's your call. Choose wisely."

With that as her parting phrase, she took a step away. Then another, and another, until my best opportunity at getting a new and improved rapier began just leisurely strolling away with a certain swagger that showed her overbearing confidence. That… that girl… she knew exactly what she was doing _and_ how it would affect me!

 _She knows I can't refuse her in this situation! I know I'm playing right into her hand, but—_

"W-wait up!" I shouted, beginning to chase after her.

This rather rocky start, as much as I hated it in every way, was my fated first meeting with the enigmatic heir to the Twin Star Blades bloodline.

* * *

 **Author's Note**

 **Okay, so you've either read the story and gotten to this point, or you skipped here from the top to see what pairings the story will have. I'm going to give that list before getting on with the note so that the skippers don't get spoiled before they decide to read the chapter.**

 **First off, here's a list of people in Kiriko's harem, in order of chronological appearance in canon (or in some cases, the game canon): Asuna, Argo, Sachi, Philia, Suguha (who is now Kiriko's distant relative in that their earliest Aincrad ancestors were siblings), Rain, Yuuki, and Sinon.**

 **So yeah, that's eight. Over the course of the story, they'll all get their time in the spotlight, with more than one of them actually entering a relationship with her at some point (one at a time, though).**

 **If you're wondering about Liz and Silica… Liz and Kiriko are going to have a sort of "bros before hoes" type of relationship but with girls, and Silica is going to be like Kiriko's little sister figure. As for Strea, who will also be included, she's just too innocent for me to justify putting her in a harem or a pairing, so she's staying single.**

 **There will be other pairings outside the harem, but because I want you to actually not just be told them… I'm not going to say what they are. You'll have to read to find out the side pairs!**

 **Anyway** **… this chapter was a little short. Which is fine considering it's one scene, but** **… I'm gonna make the next one a bit longer than this. Chapter two, tentatively titled "Everything You Know Is Wrong", will have two or three scenes** **… but I doubt any of them will be as long as this one was.**

 **Also, if you're wondering how old the main characters are, given the whole coming of age trial thing, they range from 14 (Silica) to 17 (Asuna and Liz). Everyone else is somewhere in between. As for the minimum age that one can begin their coming of age trial** **… generally, the accepted age is 15.**

 **Anyway, I'm gonna sign off now. Not sure when I'll next post something, but thanks to the helpful structure of having floors to clear, I expect that this will get updated rather frequently…**

 **See you next time!**


	2. II: Play Along

**Author's Note**

 **You know, I actually had fun writing the second half of this thing. I was dead set on making Kiriko as obnoxious as possible by the end, and it really was a blast to write. Almost makes me forget the type of personality she actually had in the initial outline, which was slightly different.**

 **Not much else to say. The perspectives of each scene alternate. Other than that, there's nothing you can't figure out by reading the chapter itself.**

* * *

Aincrad: A Coming of Age Story

Chapter Two: Play Along

 _Her last words before she turned as if to walk away played a starring role in my decision. "I'll still do it and even pay for what you can't, whether I want something in return or not. Just follow me tonight to show me you're interested and you'll have a shiny new rapier by tomorrow afternoon. But it's your call. Choose wisely."_

 _With that as her parting phrase, she took a step away. Then another, and another, until my best opportunity at getting a new and improved rapier began just leisurely strolling away with a certain swagger that showed her overbearing confidence. That… that girl… she knew exactly what she was doing_ _and_ _how it would affect me!_

She knows I can't refuse her in this situation! I know I'm playing right into her hand, but—

 _"W-wait up!" I shouted, beginning to chase after her._

 _This rather rocky start, as much as I hated it in every way, was my fated first meeting with the enigmatic heir to the Twin Star Blades bloodline._

* * *

The dark clothed girl led me out of the forest and through nearby plains area at its north edge without making any attempt to converse with me. She didn't exactly ignore me – she kept periodically checking back to make sure I was still following – but she didn't seem very interested in even basic politeness.

It didn't make a whole lot of sense to me. For someone who didn't even try to hide the fact that she had ulterior motives for bothering with me, she didn't put much effort into winning my favor or trust. Even when we encountered monsters, she seemed to be content with letting me do all the work… and while watching my every move, to boot. The more things I noticed about her, the weirder she looked.

Halfway through the grassy, hill filled plains area, we encountered a small village in the distance on our right. But rather than stopping there, she just kept right on walking past it. When I asked her why we weren't going there for the night, she merely responded with, "We can if you want, but I'm not paying that much for rooms that shitty, so you'll be covering the costs for both of us. I have a deal worked out with a suite chain which has a location in the next city, so if you want a good bed and a bath for free, we'll spend the night there."

Since she seemed to know a lot more about the area than I did, and I didn't yet have the money to pay for a place to stay at all, I decided to take her word for it and keep following her wherever she wanted to go. I had never been farther than the forest we met in, and even the fact that I made it that far on day one was mainly due to having blasted through everything up until that point as fast as possible.

But that dungeon guardian… it was the first one I'd encountered that had a humanoid form or a weapon. And beyond that, it was stronger and faster than everything I'd faced up to that point, yet it could also take more of my hits than anything else as well.

"Uh, miss?" I called out to the person who'd been leading me since she saved me in the forest. "There's a town coming up on the right. Should we stop there?"

The response I got matched what she'd been saying ever since we left the forest almost an hour before – absolutely nothing. Not only did she not reply, but she didn't even turn in my general direction. And she kept walking at the same speed without even slightly changing direction. The young woman with two swords at her waist, one on each side, gave no indication whatsoever that she even heard me at all.

"Uh… hello? Miss dual blades?" I pressed on, anxious to finally get some sleep. The time was approaching midnight, and I'd gone straight from an exhausting battle to this long trek. I needed rest…

"It's called Twin Star Blades, actually," she corrected me in a voice so dull and void of all emotions that it seemed to come from a being who lacked them altogether. "My family's fighting style, that is."

 _No doubt about it, then… she's a descendent of the man my ancestor fell in love with._

That man's two sword style was named the same thing. This proved the correlation beyond a shadow of a doubt. Although it certainly seemed like the values and personality of this girl's knight-like ancestor didn't get passed down to her, at least. She didn't seem to be the least bit kind or polite, let alone chivalrous.

"Right," I responded with a nod that I knew she couldn't see. "Are we going to stop up there for the night?"

For a few seconds, we just kept walking through the verdant plains, our feet digging into the moist brown earth ever so slightly with each trudging step as our shins brushed against the long, lush, thick grass. She seemed to be in no way inclined to even acknowledge my question. But then, for a brief moment, she looked over to her right at the town I'd been pointing out, before beginning to speak as her eyes dimmed in what looked like disgust.

"We can if you want, but I won't be paying for either of our rooms," she said in a somewhat bitter voice from the other side of her coat's unfolded collar. "Shitty prices for shitty rooms with shitty service. They think that because they're not in a place with competition, they can get away with anything."

As her gaze returned to the path she'd set out for herself, I asked her another question. "So it's better where we're going, then?"

"I'd say it is." She nodded without turning her head and picked up the pace a little. "I mean, if you count lower prices, bigger, better quality beds, more and more comfortable furniture, cleaner rooms, better service and the presence of a personal bath and laundry machines for each room's exclusive use."

She sold me on 'personal bath.' I'd gotten way dirtier and sweatier today than I ever had before in my life. There was still a bit of drying mud on my knee that I'd kneeled on when the Minotaur attacked me, and the rest of my body had perspired enough over the course of the day that I knew I had to smell awful. The idea of washing all that off sounded almost heavenly to me.

Feigning frustration so as not to give away how frighteningly easily she had convinced me, I grumbled, "Fine then… I'll keep following you."

* * *

"Hey, miss rich girl," I addressed the rapier user whose name I didn't know in a tone kept purposely snide. "We're here. Probably won't have rooms as big as your actual bedroom, but it's enough to not get claustrophobic."

I held my right hand close to my waist, lifted my left leg, then swung my left arm inward. This practiced action caused me to swiftly pivot on my heel and turn around just in time to catch her reaction to my words. Her face went through a large array of emotions in the span of a few seconds. First surprise, then defensiveness and anger, and then some degree of shock as she looked past me and at the place we'd stopped at.

"If you can already afford this kind of place…" she said on a breath that seemed to almost die in her throat. After a gulp, I saw a glint of unease in her eyes as she looked back over to me. "What could you possibly want from my family?"

Trying to keep myself in the box she'd characterized me in, I gave her a somewhat devious smirk, having to hold back an amused laugh when her face paled a little. "We'll get to that eventually. I can promise you this, though. If things pan out the way I want them to, it'll be mutually beneficial for us."

I turned around and grabbed the knob on the door in front of me, turning it before she could come up with a response but not pulling it open yet. She was already so much fun to play around with, but the next thing on my list was sure to provoke an even more entertaining reaction. I was almost guaranteed a laugh out of this, and possibly a verbal scolding if she had any spine in her.

"I'm gonna go in there and get us a room for free," I told her without turning back around, just to make sure she didn't see the treacherous prankster look that I knew would be written all over my face. "But one wrong move and I might end up having to pay. And if I have to pay, you're covering half my costs. Just follow my lead and we should be golden."

"… Okay."

 _Holy shit, she actually agreed right away, no convincing necessary. Does she trust what everyone says that easily, or does she just realize she's screwed if she doesn't go along with it? This is gonna be great…_

I nodded, the all-telling look on my face completely disappearing as I took on a completely serious visage for the sake of the door I was about to open. "Good. On three, we go in. Try to make sure that you don't visibly react to the things either of us say. Three—"

At that precise moment, my free hand reached out behind me and grabbed hers before she had the chance to pull away, probably at a speed which she couldn't even react to, and I quickly entwined our fingers. But before she could even ask me why, right as her hand began to stiffen, I spoke again.

"Remember, play along or you're paying half," I told her, waiting until her hand relaxed in mine. "Good. Two, one. Go time."

I pulled open the door, stepping back so it could clear me before taking a look inside. The brightly colored room which seemed to have overhead light fixtures powered by frigging mana diamonds looked just as I remembered it. Large, spacious, and white painted to a very distinct fault, with a literal two meter wide fountain in the middle of it, just to shove the establishment chain's wealth in the face of any poor, unsuspecting peasant who happened to wander in before checking the sign out front.

And what luck, the red-haired, stubble-faced twenty-something in the back of the room manning the desk, dressed in a tuxedo of very notable quality – the male uniform for staff here, amusingly – was someone I actually knew, as I found out after I walked past the fountain with the rich girl beside me. Even if things went south with my plan, I could probably get away with more just because it was someone I'd known for a long time.

"Yo, it's little Kimiko! It's been too long, bud!" he called with a relaxed wave as he took notice of me. "I heard about the challenge from boss. You got the goods?"

I nodded, donning a cocky smile befitting of someone victorious in any challenge. "Oh, you better believe I do. I gotta tell you though, my friend – I basically had to steal them off someone else. But I mean, they were gonna lose the fight anyway, so all's fair. But I'll be upgrading to a queen bed, personal bathroom suite tonight, thanks."

"You sure? You'll have to pay for the difference between the two," he responded, his face clearly asking me if I had the money to pay for that upgrade.

I gave a crooked smirk, holding up the joined hands of myself and my partner in crime. "That, my dear Klein, is where you're wrong. Isn't company policy to allow _couples_ to upgrade up to the maximum level of the single bed tier at no extra cost, or did that handy little guidebook of yours get changed since the last time I read it?"

I wanted to sneak a look over at the face of my partner in crime's face, but I knew if I saw anything funny, I'd probably lose my composure and laugh. Besides, the face of my redheaded friend seemed to be getting more amusing by the second as it showed stronger and stronger levels of shock. Thankfully, I was so used to seeing it on him that it didn't even make the other side of my lopsided smirk curl a little.

"You have got to be kidding me!" he shouted as he pointed my finger at me accusingly. "It's the _first day_ of your coming of age trial and you've already picked up a girlfriend?! Why the hell are you always outperforming me at everything _I_ should be doing?!"

I shrugged my shoulders as I brought our hands back down, having to try real hard not to laugh at his last remark which I knew was only kind of a joke. Plan success, I just got a free personal bathroom for the night at the sole expense of having to share it and the bigger bed with someone else.

"I assume there's no problem with the free upgrade, then?" I asked him, my voice thick with the smug attitude I genuinely felt, for different reasons than he probably expected.

My energetic friend of many years visually slumped, reaching a hand below the counter top and pulling it backwards. I heard a rolling sound that told me he'd just opened the drawer where the room keys were kept. He looked around in it for a second before his eyes zeroed in on a particular spot.

"Yeah, yeah, little miss _popular_ ," he replied, nearly spitting out the last word in what I knew was mock anger. He grabbed a key from the drawer and threw it right at the center of my chest without even looking, reminding me that his dexterity was nothing to laugh at. As I caught the projectile with my free hand and read the room number on its tag, he looked back up at me, a goofy smile on his face. "Try not to make too much of a racket, kiddos. Some of our customers like to sleep through the whole night."

I nodded, then extended my index finger on the hand I'd just used to grab the key out of the air, dragging it down through the air in front of me to bring up my inventory menu. The white window popped up diagonally right past my finger, and I quickly used it to flick my way to the bottom of the item list. There were two items there that weren't there before – one called Taurus Ribs and one called Taurus Gloves.

Having no need for the meat due to having no ability to cook, I tapped on the ribs, then tapped the middle icon out of the three that appeared to the right of the name. A short list with two items appeared in a new window – the names of the two people in the room. The first one on said list was Klein, and the second just had three question marks, since the girl next to me had never told me her name.

I tapped on Klein's name, confirmed my selection, and then responded to the jab he'd just made. "You know, gotta say. When it comes to getting a good last word in, you are unparalleled, buddy. If you're ever looking to make yourself useful on the trial trail, send me a message and we can team up. Now then, we'll be getting out of your hair."

As we started walking in the direction the hall with the room specified on the tag, I finally allowed myself the luxury of looking at the face of the person I'd tricked into helping me. She'd kept her composure admirably well, but the eyes that met my own gaze told me she legitimately couldn't believe I just did that to her. And I could see a faint flush on her cheeks, probably in reaction to the implications of the remark my friend had just made.

 _Totally worth it._

* * *

As soon as the woman whose friend called her Kimiko closed and locked the door behind her, cutting us off from the hallway outside, she burst into a fit of laughter at a restrained volume. I had been planning to say something right as the door closed, but her sudden odd behavior caught me so off guard that I momentarily forgot what I was going to say.

"Oh my god, I can't believe he bought that so easily!" she said in between her laughs, which she barely seemed to be able to control. She gripped her sides as her entire frame began shaking in time with the beat of her, by that point, almost mad-sounding cackles which were thankfully still somehow not terribly loud. "And the look on your face as we left! Priceless! I should have looked over more often!"

At that point, I finally remembered what I had wanted to say thanks to her words making me think of it again. But years of family conditioning had made it almost impossible for me to make myself interrupt someone, even if they were laughing at my expense, so I waited for her to quiet down. And waited, and waited, and waited, until she finally slowed down a full ten seconds later as she began to run out of breath. Three seconds after that, as she gave her last 'ha,' she turned around and gave me a look.

"You done having your fun?" I asked her, continuing after she nodded her head with an insufferable grin. "Good. Now then, how long has it been since you lost your sense of shame?"

She shrugged her shoulder as her grin widened. "Lost it? I never had one of those to begin with. A comprehensive list of human traits I was born without healthy levels of includes shame, humility, dignity, honor, and sensitivity."

"Sure you're not forgetting sanity in that list?" I asked, turning away and walking over to the door on my right, which I assumed was the bathroom door.

"Oh, good one! I'll include it next time I repeat that list to someone," she responded without missing a beat, almost as if she'd been waiting for my suggestion. "The whole list is of things other people have said I lack."

As I grabbed the door, I said what I honestly thought before opening it and going inside. "After today? That does not surprise me. I'm sure if people were trying, they could come up with some more."

* * *

 **Author's Note**

 **This chapter originally would have had more scenes, but then I realized that giving it any more would make the word count go up by at least another 1500. The side benefit of cutting it off before I planned to: next chapter's scenes are already outlined! Anyway, I figure having an average length of 3-4k words will make them easier to read in one sitting even for people who don't have near lightspeed reading like me.**

 **So, how was that? In case you're wondering, Klein will be coming back later on. His role in the outline is already significant, but it's a little ways off, development wise. I will say that I don't plan on making him into the butt of everyone's joke in this story, though. His character will have actual meaning here.**

 **Anyway, I'll be going now. I finished this A/N at my own subjective two in the morning, so I'm about ready to pass out.**

 **See you next time!**


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